Category: 知行合一

习惯的力量(The Power of Habit)导读

习惯的力量如果你能发现自己的“习惯模式”,你就能彻底改变自己的事业和生活!

★ 人生不过是无数习惯的总和。

你早上起来做的第一件事是什么?你是先洗脸还是先刷牙?你走哪条路上班?你到办公室时,是先看邮件,还是和同事聊天,又或者直接写备忘录?去餐厅第一个会点什么菜?多久运动一次?你经常和家人和孩子聊什么?晚上你如何入睡?

我们每天做的大部分选择可能会让人觉得是深思熟虑决策的结果,其实并非如此。人每天的活动中,有超过40%是习惯的产物,而不是自己主动的决定。虽然每个习惯的影响相对来说比较小,但是随着时间的推移,这些习惯综合起来却对我们的健康、效率、个人经济安全以及幸福有着巨大的影响。

★ 习惯是怎么回事?习惯究竟能不能改?

习惯是我们刻意或深思后而做出的选择,即使过了一段时间不再思考却仍继续、往往每天都在做的行为。这是我们神经系统的自然反应。习惯成形后,我们的大脑进入省力模式,不再全心全意地参与决策过程,所以除非你刻意对抗某个习惯,或是意识到其它新习惯的存在,否则该行为模式会自然而然地启动。你想改变习惯,先要了解你属于你自己的“习惯回路”

习惯回路由暗示、惯常行为和奖赏三部分组成。

★ 怎样利用“习惯的力量”改变事业和生活?

《习惯的力量》融汇各行业数十个生动的案例,告诉我们:习惯不能被消除,只能被替代。只要掌握“习惯回路”,学习观察生活中的暗示与奖赏,找到能获得成就感的正确的惯常行为,无论个人、企业和社会群体都能改变根深蒂固的习惯。学会利用“习惯的力量”,就能让人生与事业脱胎换骨。

怎样戒掉一个坏习惯?

怎样建立一个好习惯?

怎样识别自己的习惯?

怎样利用习惯的力量改变自己和他人?

……

★《习惯的力量》是一本具有开创性的著作!它将让你重新审视自己的习惯。2012年在美国出版,随即成为一本疯行全球的“习惯改造指南”。它融合了目前最顶级的神经学家、心理学家、社会学家、顶尖企业家和优秀市场营销人员关于习惯的最新认知,同时综合了国际一流企业:宝洁、谷歌、微软,世界顶尖大学:哈佛、耶鲁、剑桥和MIT关于“习惯的力量”的最新研究结果!你想知道的所有关于“改变习惯的秘密”,都将在这本书中找到答案。本书也成为了最受500强企业员工欢迎、提振人心、认知自我的最实用读本!

★《习惯的力量》作者查尔斯•都希格获得了美国2013年普利策新闻奖。本书入选FT/高盛2012年度商业图书!荣获2012年亚马逊网站编辑推选的十大畅销书之一!曾高居2012年《纽约时报》畅销书排行榜第二名!国内知名企业家新东方执行总裁陈向东、身心灵作家张德芬、著名主持人蔡康永都强烈推荐阅读本书!

《纽约时报》赞本书“精彩绝伦”,《华尔街日报》称“连陷入危机的人都可以用这本书的知识改变自己的命运。”《经济学人》说 “本书将告诉你洞悉顾客的习惯对于市场营销至关重要。”《三联生活周刊》评论 “习惯养成容易消除难,不过一旦你明白了习惯可以改变的原理,你就有了改变它们的自由以及责任。”

★找到自己的习惯模式,学会利用习惯的力量,

一个人可以:强化意志力、成功减肥、聪明理财、高效工作……

一个企业可以:制造流行新产品、激励工作团队、在市场巨变中成功转型……

一个社会可以:改良观念和风气、提升公民幸福感……

Amazon: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

乔布斯在斯坦福大学毕业典礼上的演讲(英文)

SteveJobs当我十七岁的时候, 我读到了一句话:“如果你把每一天都当作生命中最后一天去生活的话,那么有一天你会发现你是正确的。”这句话给我留下了一个印象。从那时开始,过去33 年中,我在每天早晨都会对着镜子问自己:“如果今天是我生命中的最后一天, 你会不会完成你今天想做的事情呢?”当答案连续多天是“No”的时候, 我知道自己需要改变某些事情了。

“记住你即将死去”是我一生中遇到的最重要箴言。它帮我指明了生命中重要的选择。因为几乎所有的事情, 包括所有的荣誉、所有的骄傲、所有对难堪和失败的恐惧,这些在死亡面前都会消失。我看到的是留下的真正重要的东西。你有时候会思考你将会失去某些东西, “记住你即将死去”是我知道的避免这些想法的最好办法。

 – Steve Jobs

 

New York: I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it’s likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation – the Macintosh – a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope it’s the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

 

通过改变陈述方式来让你减少拖延

尼尔·菲奥里在《战胜拖拉》中就提到过这个问题,很多拖延者都习惯用这几种消极的自我陈述,只要简单改变一下,就可以改变你的态度,从消极变成积极。

请你练习从通常的自我对话方式到高效者的自我对话方式的转换,如下所示。把它们贴在计算机上、桌子上或者是冰箱上。

“我不得不做”→”我选择做”
“我必须完成”→”我什么时候开始”
“这个项目大且重要”→”我可以走出一小步”
“我必须做到十全十美”→”我完全是一个凡人”
“我没时间玩”→”我必须花时间玩”

第一种:”我不得不做”的消极想法
整天重复”我不得不做”(意思是说”我不得不去做,但我不想做”)这样的话,会给你一种犹豫感和受害感(”我不得不做,但如果我有权力的话,我就不会去做了”),会让拖拉行为变得合理化。只要认清了这样的自我陈述及其背后的受害态度,你就会希望马上用一种选择性的陈述和一种自我增强能力的态度去挑战它。

用”我选择做”取代”我不得不做”

高效者式的语言、态度和行为,可以通过特定的练习来获得。例如,如果你是坐在桌子边寻找没有回复的邮件和一张未回电话的清单,你可能会注意到的第一件事情就是,你的双肩以一种压抑而疲惫的方式,下垂并前倾。这是一个明显的信号,意味着即使你没有听到自己说”不得不做”,你也会有受害感,而不会感到有责任。在意识到这一点的那一刻,马上选择工作,或者是选择承担自己推迟的责任。运用对消极想法或态度的认识,反过来让自己拥有高效者的选择式、力量式的态度。

第二种:”我必须完成”的消极想法
告诉自己”我必须完成”,让自己把注意力集中在未来某个时刻出现的情景当中去,却从不告诉自己应该从哪里开始着手。”完成”是一个看不清的遥远之地,从你现在可能的技能、自信和观察来看,还有一断长长的距离。这样的专注会让任务变得更加地无从下手,甚至是不可能完成。它需要用一种从现在开始的坚定决心来进行挑战和取代。

用”我什么时候开始”取代”我必须完成”

“我什么时候开始?”是高效者的一条警句。它始终表现出对任务完成情况的焦虑和对现在能处理事务的明确专注。这句话起着一个反馈器的作用,它能把任何摇摆不定的注意力推回到项目的起始之处。而当你不能从现在开始的时候,”我下一次能从什么时候开始?”这样的问法,能让你准备好向可见的未来径直而轻松地出发,让你清楚地看到,你将在什么时候、什么地点、以什么事情作为开始。

第三种:”这个项目大且重要”的消极想法
想着一个项目多么的大且重要,会让无从下手的感觉更加强烈。你实际上所说的是:”我不知道我怎样才能应付这样巨大的一个任务。这个任务很重要,它必须给每一个人留下深刻的印象。这是我人生中的一次难得的机会。”项目对你而言越是巨大,越是无从下手,你拖拉的可能性也就越大。当你采取所有相关步骤,想象着关于这一重要项目所有紧要的事情,从而让自己感到无所适从的时候,动力与好奇心会被焦虑所取代。

用”我可以走出一小步”取代”这个项目大且重要”

每当你开始在一个大型的、向你压顶而来的项目面前感到无所适从的时候,试着提醒自己:”我可以走出一小步。一小步,一份简单又粗糙的草稿、一个不完美的框架、一声轻轻的问候。现在,我所需要做的就是这些。”你不可能一下子就建起一座大厦。你现在能够做的所有的事情,只是给地基浇铸混凝土、钉钉子、筑墙—-一次一小步。你不可能马上就写出一本完整的书;你只能一次写一个章节,几页纸。一个简单而微小的步骤是你所知道的你能在现在完成的全部事情。与巨大的事业相比较,这个可操作的步骤会给你留下时间,在一系列小步骤的间隙中,学习、休息、休整。每一个步骤中,你都有时间来欣赏自己的成就,对你前进的方向获得新的认识,并再次在你的长远目标上下定决心。

第四种:”我必须做到十全十美”的消极想法
“我必须做到十全十美,如果犯了错,我不能忍受。”这样跟自己对话,将会大大地增加需要用拖拉作为缓冲来抵御失败与责备之痛的机会。这样的话同样意味着,你的自我对话是围绕着一点而展开的,即判定前进途中任何一步与你认为应该如何的状态相比,都是不够显着的。如果你要求自己有一个完美的展示,完成一个不被批评的项目,做一份大家完全喜欢的饭菜,或者拥有一个完美的家庭,那么你注定会失败,并且不可避免地引来自我批评。你越是想完美,越是自责,着手开始一个项目时就越觉得困难,因为你已经知道它不可能会是足够完美的。始终想着完美的状态,会让你怯于见到你的真实产品的样子。始终想着完美的状态将会让你无法用一个有利于行动的计划为失败做好准备,并且在发展的过程中,当面临一个难题时,还会增加你放弃的可能性。矛盾的焦点是,做一个完美主义者,因错误而责备自己,反而让失败更容易发生,也更为严重。

用”我完全是一个凡人”取代”我必须做到十全十美”

以接受(但不是顺从)自己的人性极限取代对完美工作的要求。接受所谓的错误(实际上是一种反馈)是正常学习过程中的一个重要部分。在做实在的、不完美的工作,而不是空想完美的、完成了的工作时,你会不可避免地面临风险,这个时候,你需要用一种自我同情,而不是自我批评的态度,去支持自己勇敢地努力。当你认识到作为一个新手,你必须踏出笨拙的第一步才能保证成为一位大师时,你会希望对自己特别地温柔。当你学会期待和接受项目中早期步骤出现的缺憾时,你会让高效者的坚持成为自身的一部分,也会为从困境中得以恢复而做出更好的准备,因为你有一张用同情织成的安全网。

对于受阻于坚持完美主义的拖拉者,我经常建议他们向这种危害巨大的模式发起攻击,消解它,尝试做得不完美。在项目的第一个阶段故意做得马马虎虎(不过别让老板看出来了)–要快,但不太完美。如果你是借助计算机在工作,那就试着用上黄贴纸;如果你是用钢笔在工作,那就试着用铅笔或圆珠笔–尽管放心地用一种凡人的不完美去工作。然后再去欣赏你在前期步骤中体现出来的才华,将其投入到打磨整个项目的工作中,并从中看到你追求完美的自然动力所发生的作用。

第五种:”我没时间玩”的消极想法
像”整个周末我都得工作”、”对不起,我不能跟你们一起玩,我得把这个项目做完”、”今天晚上很忙,马上就到最后期限了”……这些语句会让你对工作产生厌恶,这种情绪来自于长时间的剥夺感和孤立感。一次次重复这些语句,将会让你产生这样的感觉:生活中充满了义务和要求,使得一次次自己错过了别人在生活中所享受的美好的东西。

用”我必须花时间玩”取代”我没时间玩”

对于锻炼、与朋友进餐、一天中频繁的休息以及一年中频繁的休假,如果能保证花在上面的时间固定,那么就会增强你的自我价值感和自尊心,而这也正是消解拖拉需要的核心所在。知道自己在可见的未来有个期盼–对休闲、与朋友一起玩的坚定承诺–会让你减轻对困难工作的畏惧。运用以上五种积极的自我陈述,会减轻与工作联系在一起的痛苦,同时会让你有更多的机会发现工作本身就可以是有益的。另外,你的工作的质量也会增加自己无忧休闲的快乐,那是你问心无愧地赢得的。而不断地对微小步骤施以回报,也会增加持续进步的可能性。

如果用一句话总结拖拉者反效率性的自我陈述,那就是:”我得十全十美地完成某件巨大的事情,长时间努力工作,并抽出时间进行适当的休闲。”你所要做的是用高效者的一种强有力的专注,去挑战这种让人困惑的、反效率性的陈述。

选择从一小步开始,我知道有大量的时间可以用来休闲。

幸运的是,要改变行为,你不必等到完全停止消极的想法和自我陈述的时候。相反,你可以运用对旧有模式的认识,警醒自己选择一条更有效力的道路。你就像是铁轨上的扳道工:一辆高速行进的火车头碾过触发点,给你一个信号,把引擎转移到另一条轨道上去。

每当你把能量从拖拉式的自我对话方式向高效者的自我对话方式转变时,你就是在给脑细胞的另外一条铁轨发电报,那是你大脑中一条新的神经通道。从旧的道路切换到新的道路若干次之后,新建的联系会变得更加紧密,启动起来也变得更加容易,而旧有的联系会逐渐萎缩。每一次有意识地决定为自己建立起安全感,并决定用高效者的自我对话方式说话时,你都会逐步地消解拖拉者的习惯,同时加强新的高效者的良好习惯。

 

原文转载自warfalcon

 

从“说你行,你就行!“到“知行合一”

brainsuccess

1960年,哈佛大学的罗森塔尔博士曾在加州一所学校做过一个著名的关于期望效应的实验:新学期开始了,校长对两位教师说:“根据过去三四年来的教学表现,你们是本校最好的教师。为了奖励你们,今年学校特地挑选了一些最聪明的学生给你们教。记住,这些学生的智商比同龄的孩子都要高。”校长再三叮咛:“要像平常一样教他们,不要让孩子或家长知道他们是被特意挑选出来的。”这两位教师非常高兴,更加努力教学了。我们来看一下结果:一年之后,这两个班级的学生成绩是全校中最优秀的,甚至比其他班学生的分数值高出好几倍。知道结果后,校长不好意思地告诉这两位教师真相:他们所教的这些学生智商并不比别的学生高。这两位教师哪里会料到事情是这样的,只得庆幸是自己教得好了。随后,校长又告诉他们另一个真相:他们两个也不是本校最好的教师,而是在教师中随机抽出来的。

这个实验是关于期望效应(又称皮格马利翁效应)的,其心理学的解释和应用,已经汗牛充栋,不胜枚举了。今天我们试图从一个新的角度,从东方的智慧中,重新诠释“说你行,你就行”的涵义。

中国明代有一位著名的思想家、哲学家、书法家兼军事家、教育家:王守仁,又被称为王阳明。他是陆王心学之集大成者,非但精通儒、释、道三教,而且能够统军征战,是中国历史上罕见的全能大儒。王阳明在十来岁的时候就立志要做圣贤,可是到了三十五岁圣贤没做成,却因为触怒了当时擅权的宦官刘瑾,被贬到了贵州龙场当驿丞(就是邮局局长)。当时的贵州还是未开发地区,还有当地的土著(这里的土著是实指),连语言都无法和他交流。在这样的环境中,王阳明根本无从考虑功名利禄,因为他基本的生存,都成了问题。他给自己做了一个石棺,躺在石棺之中思考,觉得一切得失荣辱,都可以超脱,但是生死的问题,依然没有看破。在这个时候,他问了自己一个关键的问题:“如果圣人处在我的情况,会怎么办?”(“圣人处此,更有何道?”)这个问题之所以关键,是因为王阳明在问这个问题的时候,从逻辑上完成了身份的转换,从“我要做圣人”,变成了“我就是圣人”。表面上,是王阳明在问圣人的行为如何,而问题的答案,则是王阳明自己思考出来的。王阳明的答案,就是著名的龙场悟道:“圣人之道,吾性具足。”换句话说,就是你想成为什么样的人,你本身就可以做到。如果我们一直用以前的标准来要求自已,一直用以前的思维方式来看问题,那么我们就是以前的那个人。如果我们想成为圣贤,成为成功者,成为优秀的人,那么我们就必须用圣贤,用成功者的,用优秀的人的标准来要求自己,用他们的思维方式来看待问题。

“优于别人,并不高贵,真正的高贵应该是优于过去的自己。” -海明威 《真实的高贵》

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” ― Ernest Hemingway

回到期望效应的实验,两位老师并没有主动的认为自己是优秀教师,而是实验者给予的暗示:“你是好老师,你的学生是好学生,你教学的成绩应该很好。”在这样的暗示下,这两位教师就会按照优秀教师的标准来要求自己。如果教学中出现了困难,他们会主动的解决困难,因为他们是优秀教师。学生如果出现了问题,他们会积极的帮助学生,因为学生是好学生,肯定能带好。

无论是西方的被动认为,还是东方的主动思考,一个人事实上更进一步的关键前提都是在思想上首先更进一步。所以我们常常听人讲:“思想高度决定人生高度”。“说你行,你就行”的关键,是自己思想上认识到自己行。而做到这一点,并不是那么容易。我们可以做一个小测试来检验一下:在你看完这篇文章之后,你是否认为自己做到了思想更进一步?如果你的答案是“以后就能做到了”,那么你还是停留在“先知而后行”的状态。如果你的答案是“我的思想本来就领先自己,每天都引领自己更进一步”,那么恭喜你,在这一点上已经做到了“知行合一”。

图片来自网络

拒绝借口之我想赢,结果我赢了

win“赢”与“不赢”之间差距不是很大,只有细微之别,这完全取决于你是否敢做的理由和不敢做的借口。

阿赛姆的同事中一位青年售货员,他在工作时常常使用卡耐基的自我激励警句以控制自己的心态。他是一个十八岁的大学生,只在暑假期间到保险公司去做出售保险单的销售员。在两周的理论训练期间,他学到了不少东西,其中有:

一位销售员在离开销售学校后的最初两周所养成的习惯,应在他的事业中保持不变。
当你有一个销售目标时,你就要不断努力,直到达到这个目标为止。
力争上进。
在你需要的时刻,要用自我激励警句,如“我觉得健康,我觉得愉快,我觉得大有作为”去激励你自己朝着预定的方向前进。
他在有了一些销售经验之后,就定了一个特殊的目标——获奖。要想做到这一点,他至少要在一周内销售一百份保障单。

到那一周星期五的晚上,他已经成功地销售了八十份;离目标还差二十份。这位年轻人下定决心:什么也不能阻止我达到目标。他相信自己所受的教育:人的心理所能设想的相信的东西,人就能用积极的心态去获得它。虽然他那一组的另一位销售员在星期五就结束了一周的工作,他却在星期六的早晨又回到了工作岗位。

到了下午三点钟,他还没有做成一笔买卖。他受过这样的教育:交易可能发生在销售员的态度上——不在销售员的希望上。

这时,他记起了卡耐基的自励警句,满怀信心地把它重复五次:“我觉得健康,我觉得愉快,我觉得大有作为!”

大约在那天下午一点钟,他做成了三次交易。这距他的目标只差十七份了。他记起了:成功是由那些肯努力的人所保持的。他又热情地再重复几次:“我觉得健康,我觉得愉快,我觉得大有作为!”大约在那天夜里十一点钟时,他疲倦了,但他是愉快的;那天他做成了二十次交易!他达到了他的目标,获得了奖励,并学到了一条道理:不断的努力能把失败转变为成功。

积极向上的心态,实际上是一种不可抵挡的力量。“我想赢,我一定要赢,结果我赢了”。

许多人宣告他们终身囚禁于心灵的监狱中,却不顾这个事实:他们是带着钥匙进入监狱的,他们不知道自己带有这把钥匙,这监狱就是他们在自己心理中建立起来的自我消极心态。积极主动与消极被动有天壤之别,尤其再配合聪明才智,差距就更远了。

想要生命的产能与产出平衡,进而追求圆满人生,主动精神实在不可缺少。如果你消极等待,你就会受制于人,一旦受制于人,发展与机会便不会降临。

原文转载自褪墨

(图片来自网络)

拒绝借口之消除懒惰和拖延

delay

有什么方法可以消除你在工作中的懒惰和拖延习惯呢?最好的途径就是拒绝任何借口,养成主动工作的习惯。

一个永远勤奋而且乐于主动工作的人,将会得到老板甚至每个人的赞许和器重,同时,你也会为自己赢得一份重要的财产——自信,你会发现自己的才能足够可以赢得他人甚至一个机构的器重。

懒惰会让人的心灵变得灰暗,会让你对勤奋的人产生嫉妒,一个懒惰的人只会看到事物的表面现象,看到别人获得了财富,他会认为这不过是别人比自己更幸运罢了。看到别人比自己更有常识和才智,则说那是因为自己的天分不如别人。这样的人不明白没有努力是难以成功的。事实上,每一个成功者的成就都是靠自己的不懈努力的,这其中不会有机缘的巧合。

懒惰的人最大的恶习就是拖沓。把头一天的工作拖延到第二天,这种工作习惯实在让任何人都无法对他产生信任。对一个渴望取得成功的人来说,拖延是一个危险的恶习,它将让你裹足不前。

拖延简直就是对我们宝贵生命的一种无端浪费。但是此行为却在我们的工作和生活中不断发生,如果把你一天的时间记录下来,你会发现,拖延不知不觉地消耗了你大部分的时间。

有许多这样的人,他们大清早就被闹钟从睡梦中惊醒了,他一边想着自己的计划,一边又在怀念被窝里的温暖,一边告诉自己该起床了,一边又在对自己说——再睡一会吧!就这样,五分钟过去了,十分钟过去了……

人们找借口总是那么理由充分,然而却难以把工作做好,这实在是件十分奇怪的事情。其实,一个人只要把他那些整天想着如何欺瞒他人的时间和精力用到正事上来,他们是肯定能取得一番成绩的。

你必须要把拖延这一恶习从你的个性中连根拔除,这种把你应该在一周,甚至一月和一年前早该完成的工作拖延到明天再做习惯,正在一点一点地吞噬你的生命,如果你不把这一习惯彻底铲除,你要取得任何成就都是十分困难的。

古罗马皇帝在临终时给罗马人留下这样一句遗言:“懒惰是一种借口,勤奋工作吧!”当时,他的周围聚满了士兵。

罗马人有两条伟大的箴言,那就是勤奋与功绩,这也是罗马人征服世界的秘诀。那时,任何一个从战场上胜利归来的将军都要走向田间。那时的罗马最受人尊敬的工作就是农业生产,正是整个罗马人的勤奋与品质,终于使这个国家逐渐变得富强。

但是,当财富和奴隶慢慢增多时,罗马人开始觉得劳动变得不再必要了,于是,这个国家开始走向衰败,懒散导致罪犯增多、腐败滋生,一个高尚而伟大的民族就这样消失了。许多似乎立刻就要成功的人——在别人眼里,他们似乎应该成为一个非凡的成功者,但事实上他们都没有做到。这是什么原因呢?就是因为他们为成功付出相应的代价。他们渴望抵达辉煌的硕峰,但却不愿跨过艰难的山路,他们不愿参加战斗,却又想获得胜利,他们不愿遇到阻力,却又希望一切顺利。

懒惰的人总是抱怨自己无能,连自己家人的温饱问题都解决不了。而勤奋的人却说:“我没有什么天资,只会拼命干活换取面包。”

勤奋工作吧!只有勤奋工作,你才可能获得成功、财富与荣誉。不要因为遇到困难就打退堂鼓,更不要因为就此敷衍了事,勤奋将指引你越过所有的艰难险阻,直到成功!

勤奋工作将给你机会,任何一个老板都会赏识勤奋工作的员工,这是一种值得任何人尊敬的美德,走到哪里,它都会为你增光添彩。

不要贪图安逸,这只会让你变得堕落,整日游手好闲只会让你退化,只有勤奋工作才是高尚的,它将带给你人生真正的乐趣与幸福。当你明白这一点时,请立刻改掉你身上的所有恶习,努力去找一份适合你的工作,你的境况将因此而改变。

要克服这种恶习,你就应该拒绝任何借口,养成主动工作的习惯,你可以这样去做:

  1. 每天确定一项明确的工作任务,在你的上司尚未指示之前你就主动去把它做好。
  2. 每天至少做一件对他人有价值的事情,不要去在乎是否有报酬。
  3. 每天告诉别人养成主动工作习惯的意义,至少告诉一个人以上。

原文转载自褪墨

当机会真正来临的时候,你准备好了吗?

luck

首先讲一个笑话:

一次下了一场非常大的雨,洪水开始淹没城市。一个警察来到教堂,对神父说:“趁现在道路还通畅,赶紧离开这里!”神父就说:“不!!我要守著我的殿堂!!我深信上帝会来救我的!!”于是警察很无奈的离开了。过了不久,洪水已经淹到教堂了,神父只好勉强站在桌子上。这时,一个救生员开著救生艇跟神父说:“快!!快!!快上来!!不然洪水会把你淹死。”神父就说:“不!!我要守著我的殿堂!!我深信上帝会来救我的!!”救生员也很无奈的离开了。又过了一会儿,洪水已经把教堂淹没了,神父只好抓著房顶的十字架。这时,一架直升机缓缓开过来,丢下绳梯之後驾驶员大叫:“神父!!快!!快!!拉著绳梯爬上来!!不然洪水会把你淹死的!!”神父还是意志很坚定的说:“不!!我要守著我的殿堂!!我深信上帝会来救我的!!!”于是直升机也很无奈的离开了。但是,洪水还是一直涨,一直涨。直到最后,神父被淹死了。神父死后见了上帝,就很生气的质问:“我如此虔诚的保守你的殿堂,这么信任你,你为什么不来救我呢?”上帝说:“我已经派了一个警察,一个救生艇,一架直升机去救你了。你不让我救,我有什么办法呢?!”

神父的行为也许很可笑,可是真实的实验却揭示了,我们常常重演神父的行为:在机会来临的时候,偏偏拒绝它。我们常常抱怨或者听人抱怨“怀才不遇”,“没有遇到自己的伯乐”,“上帝不给自己机会”。可是,机会真的就是随机的,与我们自己本身的属性不相干吗?在“容易学习的技巧:幸运”一文中,作者让那些幸运和不走运的人看同一份报纸,让他们数这份报纸中有多少张照片。不走运的人平均花了两分钟来完成这件事情,而幸运的人通常只花了几秒钟!为什么?因为在报纸的第二页,作者用半版的页面大字提示:“不用数了。这份报纸有43张照片。”不走运的人倾向于忽略这些文字,而幸运的人却注意到了。随后的性格分析指出,不走运的人是例行公事的生物,在做事的时候过于专注,以至于无法注意到外界的变化和信号。而幸运的人则放松和开放,因此能注意到除了他们寻找的东西以外的机会。

就拿这个神父做例子,这个神父也许认为只有上帝驾着祥云,背后冒着圣光降临教堂,然后手一挥让他飞出洪水的范围,才是上帝唯一救他的办法,所以警察,救生艇,直升机在他看来都不是机会。我们平时的生活中也常常遇到这样的情况。我们基于我们自己的认识、能力、环境和目标,或多或少都有一些对自己未来的规划。而我们能否把握住机会,恰恰取决于我们是否将我们自己的规划看成唯一成功的途径。比如,有人跟我们谈投资:不感兴趣,不做。有人跟我们谈生意:没有技术含量,不做。有人跟我们谈商机:没有工作安稳,不做,等等等等。我们不做的理由很多很多,可是有多少次,是我们自己仔细的研究了这个机会,考虑了利害之后才得出的理性结论呢?如果我们一直这样简单的拒绝,我们又如何能确保当机会真正来临的时候,我们能把握住呢?

所以,从现在开始,你要拒绝一个机会的时候,学会问自己一句话:“我仔细的研究了这个机会吗?”你依然会拒绝很多不合适的机会,可是,当真正的机会来临的时候,你不会错过它。因为,你已经准备好了。